OH YES IM IN TOUCH WITHT EH GUY I FUMBLED IN 2022 BEEN 3 YEARS BUT IM STILL NOTOVER HIM. its so funny because his name has been mentioned in EVERY one of my site layouts.its scary how i can never get over the guys i liked. ACTUALLY THATS A LIE. TOOK ME 3 YEARS AND IM OVER MY GROOMER FUCK UES!!!! ugh its not even that i wanna date him, okay thats a lie wait this is getting too long im going to my blog

okay i want to date him yeah but its been so long so i dont really know what kinda guy he is anymore. Though from what i (vividly) remember, he was always so sweet to me. WHICH IS WHAT I LOVE IN A MAN!!!! AHHH hes really smart too, sigghh!!! Looks dont mean much to me, but he is pretty cute. the thing is I dont think he likes me so im tryna keep my hopes down. Another thing is i dont know if its jsut that im excited to talk to him again, because I do (somewhat) like another guy which i dont know if its just I like talking to him or i actually like him. I SOUND LIKE A WHORE RN i swear im not making any moves until ive day dreamed about it for a year. i just like to daydream about my future family and who Im going to marry. and i know this sounds insane but I really want to be a sahm. Or atleast I would like to stay at home for most of my days. My dream life is that I live in the country side with my partner, kid (no more than 1-2 because id lose my shit), cats, and plants. Run my own floral shop and go on cute dates with my partner. I dont really care abt gender tbh, but anyways Id like to live in a small house too. Ofcourse im only 14 and ill probably change my mind but this is my dream life i come back to after i go out with friends. Id like to live a "traditional" life but like not like those alt right weirdos. I mean I would like to live a calm and small life. But i dont want to marry a mormon utah man so I dont know what guy out there actually dates to marry or likes this kinda quiet life anymore. wahetevr!!!

Me and my friend fought, I was in the wrong, I apologized but i doesnt make up for what I did. I really miss her, i regret everything but its whatever. I wished none of this happened, which is what everybody says after they do something that is so obviously stupid. I dont understand why I feel so sad, yeah I lost my best friend but I lowkey deserve it. I sound like a manipulator but i swear im just saying what I think. I broke her trust, but another part of me doesnt get why. All i did was tell other people that she was talking to somebody, not like some crazy thing like she fucked 10 guys or something. Its just a highschool crush its fine, but it still hurts I guess. I miss her so much, and i cannot believe that I couldn't be somebody she trusted. The situation: she told me she liked this guy, call him soccor kid, and since I was excited I told 3 of my (un)trustworthy friends. The thing is I have told them about my secrets before and they have NEVER told anybody else. So I was so annoyed to find out that 1 of my friends, told everybody. The thing is that friend has liked soccor kid before, and she got jealous or whatever but still thats such a weird fucking thing to do. Me and that friend call her apple, has both crushed on the same guy. (MY SLOVAKIAN HUZZ.) But she never ever said it to anybody, or got jealous???? And from what I know apple doesnt like hate my best friend. yes this is a big deal to me, is it stupid? Also yes. Its just another small drama but still Im so so so so so sad that I lost my best friend. What pisses me off the most is that apple told litterally everybody, even after I told her like 10 times not to tell anybody. And i know i cant prevent people from doing things its just ugh whatevver.

soooo tiiireedddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd going shopping tmmr i cant even remember what day it is lmfaao ive been fucking geeked up everynight FMCL bruh i fuckin g hate ts ts rs ts sunsghine fmcl fmcl fmcl I am Not Chopped Shit I am Not Chopped I am Fine Shyt. I love myself. I am Fine Shyt. its fucking overs guys no i am a hot drug dealer with a bunch of hoes in la and nyc and i am plus aura 67 chungus. I radiate Mystical Energy. FUCKKK whatever im tweaking OUT what 1 day without red 40 does to a mf i am #whimsy #cutecor #asian! #autisticAsFuck what do i even write about anymore like fuck ts ts ts ts ts im soooo retarrrddeddd wheneber i wallk i feel my brain sludge swoosh around

fuck whenver i have a sad blog post im porbably not sobe rlmfao because i drank so much last night. I woke up hungover as fuck and just passed out on the bathroom floor LMFAO. anyways today was fine i got my nails done, i feel bad because I couldn't call twin but whatevaaaaa.

im just so tired of having to wait, i dont wanna have to wait but im too sad and lonely to leave. So i wait anyways. sigghhhh is it even abnormal to cry every night anymore. i think there was one night where I didnt but i was just kinda laying there rotting. tbh things will get better when im independent and on my own but fucking hell is it hard to just make my next 4 years easy. Its not like anybody wants to talk to me anyways, except for twin i mean id hope he does. wahtever im tired of waiting for this faggot to get off of the game ill just go to bed and then hes gonna be like wah wah wah wah wah wah im sorry wah wah wah wah wah wah wah. thinking about waking up annoys me so much becvause i have to deal with these people

these few days have been chaotic, police were called, dv allegations, legal actions, my mom running away, things from the past resurfacing. i'm scared as shit as much as i dont want to be im scared of my mom. Its annoying having to deal with this, seeing my dad cry infront of me, not having anybody to cry to. not much to write other than my life is shit

days been whatever tbh i woke up at 11, made banana bread, then called my friend for like 5 hours and 38 mins. schools starting soon and tbh i kinda want school bc i live off a schedule, but at the same time i dont wanna have to say 'just make it to friday" every single day. And tbh its not even make it till friday its make it till college bc on saturday i have no time to just relax then on sunday i have to catch up on school work and go to church where everybody just shit talks about how im not christian then shit on be about being rich. I dont get why they're so jealous of me like its not even like "oh haters will hate" these 45 year old women have been on my back for the past like 10 years, im 14. Like do you want me to pity you or something?? all they do is ask me "oh why dpo you do horse back riding.... thats a rich people sport! You guys are on vacation?? RICH!! You got a new phone becayse your old one litterally exploded????!!! RICH UGHH!! And its not even like im bragging about anytnhing. I dont even talk to them and they complain about me being rich, also my family BUYS them things. We're being good towards you and this is how you act?? Hello?? whatever its not like its a big issue either. I've been so lethargic recently, Its hard to do anything anymore. I just wanna love somebody, okay dont hate me for this but I miss being manipulated and used. I feel like i have no purpose without somebody controlling me. I like feeling like i have to walk on eggshells, it's enternainting or like fuck idk stimulating for me to have to constiently be on my toes. I guess this is a result from me having to do that since i was young. Not until very recently was I able to not cry every night lmao. If you look at my old blogs all of my entries were about how i wanted to drink, cut myslef, or how distressed i was. And how much my ex boyfriend made me cry. Honestly it was really surprising how much he did, I think the longest i went without crying was like uhh 2 or 3 days. I was genuienly losing my mind. Im bad with cutting people off so I just stayed, and I know people will ask "oh just leave!! wtf??" its hard for me to do that, my parents were never around and the times they were they were either yelling at me, eachother, or just yelling. So for me to be able to experience a bit of sweet love is a big thing to me, It used to be so bad I would do anything to make my partners happy, in hope they would love me without hitting or yelling at me. I'm trying to work on myself though, its hard when its just yourself though/ I just wanna talk to somebody without people judging me, i just want somebody to understand me but I'm too complex and too annoying to understand without people giving up on me. Even my therapist said i was just being a brat. I'm not i just have alot of opinions. I'm really not worth it i guess, and ugh i dont wanna seem like im just crying for attention i really do feel like this. what am i even supposed to do anymore. Im fucking retarded and my parents think im useless. I need something or somebody to love to feel like im usefull, I need things to live for tbh.

siggh i have nothing 2 talk about, theres nothing much going on. arrgh i need a boyfriend, i need one so i can have stupid cute dates and i can love something, tbh ive been more passive lately. I really really realalllyy wanna get married and settle to the country side. but b4 that i wanna go raving. my liaf plan is that i have lots of fun in my 20s and by the time im like late 20s or early 30s i wanna have a kid. I wanna have my kid early bc i know how it is to have really old parents that dont do anything but work so i dont wanna have my kid me like that. i only want one, but ill have lots of pets so hopefully it wont get lonely (￣▽￣*)ゞ. but first i need a bf..,... badly..... AAAHHHHHHHHHH........or gf i dont care brrruhhhhhh pmo pmo... whatever ( ; ω ; ) if you're single...heh..hmu.. ( ´ ꒳ ` ) ♡. OHHH I JUST REMMEBER IM GOING SWIMMING ON SATURDAY!! am i gonna find the mason 67 huz??!!!

I came back from china, it was so cool!! I wanna go back soo bad.. I'll make entry on it later bc im lazy but i got a perm 2 day which was pretty fun. Took like ~4 hours? fuck it was so hot like my scalp was burning, genuienly felt like heaven when she rinsed my hair... still kinda hurts if i touch my scalp but its fine. Looks really good, now i dont gotta do a blow out every day!!!!! sigh i have honors testing in like 2 weeks i gotta lock in. bai///..

kill me now, its only the 4th or whatever day and im soo tired of school. I have no friends because everybody already knows eachotehr and its fucking over for me. I miss my old school how am I possibly supposed to get through this school year.

Tonight Im gonna fly away to china.. it's like uhh i think 20 hour flight or something whatever... I get motion sickness so I really hope that I dont throw up everywhere. I'm also hoping the food is good, because when Im nauseous I cant eat foods I dont like or I will throw up everywhere. Ive litterally done nothing today..lowkey im kinda hungry but anyways Im excited. I dont really wanna use wechat and idk how im gonna talk to my friends but whatever!!