Heres the lore!!
Starting off, Ethel Cain is a character made up by Hayden Anhedönia, Ethel Cain is Haydens character but also like a projection of her. Ethel is a very unreliable narrator, her description of stuff in the songs are either inaccurate or half.
Characters
Ethel lenora Cain - Main Character,
Joseph Cain - Ethel's father, died in a fire almost a decade before Preacher's Daughter (album)
Vera Cain, Ethel's mother
Ethel Cain, Joseph's mother (Ethel's paternal grandmother)
Willoughby Tucker, Ethel's first boyfriend
Logan Phelps, Ethel's second boyfriend
Isaiah Abram, Ethel's murderer, Last 'boyfriend'
Janie, Ethel's best friend (surname unknown)
Holly Reddick, Ethel's classmate who hangs out with Willoughby
Locations
Shady Grove, Alabama, Cain family's hometown
Montgomery, Alabama, where Logan robbed a bank and died in a shooting with the police
Aldine, Texas, where Isaiah forced Ethel into prostitution
Arlington, Texas, where Ethel was last seen being kidnapped by Isaiah after a fight
Northern California, where Isaiah kills Ethel

Willoughby Tucker, I will Always Love You

Janie

Janie is Ethels one and only best friend, and when she starts to mature she gets a boyfriend. Ethel however is stuck in the past, begging for her to stay. Because Ethel is so insecure it leads to provocation, telling Janie that she should just leave and toss her away. However, Ethel just needs somebody to stay with her forever. She cries for Janie, begs her to atleast come and visit her sometime.

" Please don’t leave me
I'll always need more
Please leave open your most quiet door "

She begs her boyfriend to not take her away from her, forever
" I know she's your girl now But she was my girl first She was my girl first "

Willoughby's theme

Theres no lyrics, just a beautiful instrumental that makes me cry from the first note. I think that in the beginning its just Ethel, the piano and all. Representing femininity, then the electric guitar comes in as Willoughby. The masculine side, a guy that Ethel always wanted. The support she needed from her father is found here instead. God this song makes me cry so hard

Fuck Me Eyes

PEAK OMG I LOVE THIS SONG ITS MY ALARM!! This song talks about the rumors surrounding Holly Reddick. Ethel hates her because the hangs around Willougby and she's convinced that Holly is gonna steal her huzz.

She goes to church (She goes to church) straight from the clubs
Thеy say she looks just like her momma bеfore the drugs


Its not really important to the lore, very good song. Ethel just compares herself to Holly, saying that if Willougby is interested in Holly that she has no chance because she'll never be like her

I'll never blame her, I kinda hate her
I'll never be that kind of angel
I'll never be kind enough to me
I'll never blame her for trying to make it
But I'll never be the kind of angel
He would see

Nettles

Crying already actually, it talks about how Willoughby and Ethel Are starting their relationship, and because Ethel is actually me she started to overthink about how she'll lose him, and dreaming life where its just them. In the first verse shes plauged by thoughts of losing him, crying and hoping all of this (her trauma and his) is wrth it at the end. In the chorus he comforts her, telling her to think of all the time that she'll have with him when she wont wake up on her own. This song is called Nettles because Ethel thinks that she's like a Nettle.

"To love me is to suffer me", and I believe it

She doesn't believe that its worth anything to love her, since it'll only end up badly. oh mny god im crying alreayd FUCK i cant do this uugh.

Think of us inside (Think of us inside), after the wedding (After the wedding)
Sufferin' the while to lie a time or two
When we won't wake up on our own (Wake up on our own), wake up on our own (Wake up on our own)
Held close all the time, knowin' (Knowin')
This was all for you

She distracts herself from the pain of reality by hoping that in the end, it would be all worth it for him. Dreaming of her and willoughby happy, and away from everything that hurts them/

Think of us inside
Gardenias on the tile, where it makes no difference who held back from who

Willoughby's Interlude

Just enjoy it

Dust Bowl

Hayden Sampled duster for this!! Amazing!! Ethel and Willoughby are making out in a drive in movie, A big issue for Ethel is that she projects this idea onto people, then doesn't listen to a word they say. Willoughby tries to explain who he is, but ethel doesnt realize that until he leaves.

You tried to wade in 'cause you wanted just to tell me who you were
You were kind
Dying to tell me
You'll wait if I have to make surе
.......
Grew up hard, fell off harder
Cooking our brains smoking that shit your daddy smoked in Vietnam
You'd be a writer
If he didn't leave all his hell for you
Saying if you could, you'd leave it all
I knew it was love
When I rode home crying
Thinking of you fucking other girls
But when you
Said that you're in love
I never wondered if you're sure

Instead of facing their issues, they turn to drugs to cope. Ethel only knows love through pain. Love is only given to her through physical or emotional pain.

A Knock at the Door

I litterally cannot understand this song, or listen to it

Radio towers

A tornado hits Shady Grove, the beeping in the back can be interpreted as a heart monitor or the radio towers deeping

Tempest

This is the only song from Willoughby's perspective. Willoughbys greatest fear is storms, or anything like that. But Ethel never really understood that, she only saw him as the toughened man in her life. he begs her to see him the way he really his, that hes not a perfect person that she fantasizes about. Inorder to love somebody you have to be open to understand them, which is something that Ethel never did.

"I can lead you to bed
But I can't make you sleep
" I've heard it before
From someone who leaves

She does what she thinks he needs, not what he needs. These attempts reminds him of his mother, that left him years ago.

Waiting on my own. As the storm approaches them, ethel leaves. Leaving Willoughby alone to deal with his worst fear. Abandoning him
Waiting on my own
Waiting on my own
Waiting on my own
Always on my own
Always on my own
Always on my own
Always on my own

Waco, Texas

Ethel spills out her regrets, regretting how she left him, looking at the side of their relationship that she refused to look at. Their relationship was like a fantasy to her. I really cant explain it you gotta listen to it to understand.

Yeah, you’ve changed
But did I ever know you
Or did I hold you
Facing away from me
The air in your room never moves
Live and die by TV no one’s watching
Do you hate me?
When this is over
Maybe then we’ll get some sleep
I’ve been picking names for our children
You’ve been wondering how you’re gonna feed them
Love is not enough in this world
But I still believe in Nebraska dreaming
Cause I’d rather die
Than be anything but your girl

I never meant to hurt you
But somehow, I knew I would
Will it be like this forever?
I’d reach into your body
And fix you if I could
Will I feel like this forever? Are you angry?
Do you hate me?
Darling, time may forgive me
But I won’tYou know I'd do anything for you
You know it's true, 'cause I've said it to you
Held in my arms, I swore I'd be good to you
Then sat and watched
As you walked away from me
So I bled til I cried, til I felt I might die
To be known the way you should
Is to put yourself through hell
Still I waited and tried, til it killed me
Cause you’re right
I can wait if I want
But it’ll never be good enough like I
Want to believe it is


Over all this album isn't really about the lore, its like a background/introuction to Ethels life. In the beginning you see her insecurities, learning who she really is. Comparing herself to Holly and begging janie to come back. She dates willoughby then they break up. Next is Preachers Daughter!!

Preachers Daughter

Preachers daughter is about Ethels life, rather than her love life. This album actually came out before WTIALY so alot of witaly's lyrics mention songs from this album. This album is the first in a trilogy about Ethel Cain and her family tree, the whole idea is on intergenerational trauma, religious trauma and living in america (the next albums are supposed to be about Ethels mother and grandmother),,, the record is set in 1991 a decade after the death of Ethel’s father, the towns preacher. Ethel was last seen in Arlington, Texas on January 13th in a Winn-Dixie parking lot. She was knocked out by a blond man and put into a short bed black pick up truck.

These crosses all over my body
Remind me of who I used to be

Family Tree (intro)

baisically this song introduces Ethel's life, tallking about her past. since their town is so small her dad is the towns preacher, so it's about her life as the towns preachers daugher. At this point she's no longer Christian, and about how she can never escape god. Ethel cannot escape her past, she will always be knows as the preachers daughter, even after her death.

Jesus, if you're listening let me handle my liquor
And Jesus, if you're there, why do I feel alone in this room with you?

American Teenager

One of ethel cain's most popular songs, for good reason too!! Shady Grove is an insanely religious town. Since like forever, she's is taught to put her life into God, being told her life is for the Church and Jesus Christ. To live her life like this from her father. Now looking back at her past with the church and her father she realises she put too much trust into what she thought would be comfort was actually abuse and trauma. After her dad dies, she's forced to preach infront of the town to try and preserve his legacy. Inorder to numb the pain of losing Willoughby she drinks, then comes to service drunks, and tries to deliver a message.

“It never so much for me was about God. It was more for me about the way people were interacting with each other in the name of god. All of the personal drama was really weird. I was like, god does not even feel like he’s in here. I’m spiritual in my own way now, but Christian religion doesn’t really go further for me than just fodder for my artwork.” - Hayden
me too

You and me against the world
You were my man and I your girl
We had nothing except each other
You were my whole world

A House in Nebraska

this song is so fucking sad like i genunely cannot A house is nebraska isn't an actual house in nebraska, however it's a house thats on the edge of town, which ethel and willoughby both run away to. Running away from their lives at home. Ethel wants him back (mee too girl) she regrets everything she duid. But at the end of day she knows that nothing will make him come back to her.

I cry every day, and the bottles make it worse
'Cause you were the only one I was never scared to tell I hurt
....
And I found photographs of our school, on the day we met
I thought that you were so beautiful, it was love, I guess
And you might never come back home, and I may never sleep at night
But God, I just hope you're doing fine out there, I just pray that you're all right

At the end of the day, she prays to god. Begging god for one last thing. One more prayer. I remember my last prayer, and obviously nothing changed.

I watched him show his love through shades of black and blue
Starting fights at the bar across the street like you do

Western Nights

She gets a new boyfriend, named Logan Phelps. hes so abusive towards Ethel, but she's so hopelessly inlove with him. something that I can say is that i was always taught "i hit you because i love you" from a young age. So for a while I just thought pain is a normal way to feel love. Logan uses her for her body, she can only feel love when hes using her. Because even though it hurts atleast you're touching me. Like i think its such a destructive way of thinking, like i used to think like its okay if you yell at me because atleast hes talking to me. Never settle for less or you'll become like this LMAO. okay i dont really like this song but this song is just about how logan uses ethel, and how he would rob stores and get into gun fights, while ethel risks her life for his love. Ends up with him getting shot.

So take me down to the river and bathe me clean

Family Tree

This song exudes a slow-burning intensity. Ethel is forced to run from the police after Logan was killed in a gun fight during a bank heist. Honestly i dont even know what this song means so... all i know is that it shows how traumatized ethel is especially from all the pressure of having to be a woman in a small converative town.

I thought good guys get to be happy
I'm not happy
I am poison in the water and unhappy

Hard Times

In this song it talks about how her father sexually assualted her when she was a child. And the trauma, confusion she has trying to get through these emotions. To make things worse, her father passes away when she was 10, so this abuse was going on when she was a very young child. Joe was preying on Ethel as a child. Watching her lustfully instead of lovingly. Usually, birthday parties are supposed to be amazing memories for children where they get praise from their parents and friends but for Ethel, her birthdays where when her father would prey upon her, watching her. Ethel was too young to notice that this type love wasnt right, she thought this type of love as wholesome. Especially when your abuser is your father or somebody important, you try to justify their actions. Gaslighting yourself to cope with what happened, and pushing it away.

I'm tired of you, still tied to me
(Please, can I sleep, can I sleep?)

As a child, Ethel’s father would often visit her late at night, while she was trying to sleep

I met you there in Texas somewhere on the thoroughfare

Thoroughfare

This is where Ethel meets Isaiah, she ran away from home, meets them, and they drive from Texas to california. She wanted him to be the man she needed, a man that could protect her and wasn't angry at her all the time. And obviously on this long trip they fuck. theres not much to say, this songs like a bridge from ethels past, to her death. I think this is the only time that Ethel is somewhat happy (short lived) . They fall inlove on the way to cali!!!

Black leather and dark glasses
Pouring another while I shake my ass
He's cold-blooded so it takes more time to bleed
Obsession with the money, addicted to the drugs
Says he's in love with my body, that's why he's fucking it up
And then he says to me
"Baby, if it feels good
Then it can't be bad"

Gibson Girl

This song is inspired by The Gibson Girl, a feminine character created by Charles Dana Gibson in the late 19th and early 20th century United States as a personification of the ‘ideal feminine body’. After Ethel and Isaiah arrive in California, he pimps her out in the back of strip clubs and feed her drugs on the regular. Ethel loses herself. Isaiah gaslights her, telling her that she should like it, and that because she wanted to leave her family so bad that this is what comes out of that. Also shes high like 24/7 so whatever isaiah says she kinda just does, since its not like she has control over what she's doing

Heard you, saw you, felt you, gave you
Need you, love you, love you, love you
Love you, saw you, love you, gave you

Ptolemaea

Ptolemea, named after Ptolemy, is a circle of Hell in which the traitorous reside. She's hallucinating, as isaiah dragged her into the attic. and murdered her.

Even the iron still fears the rot
Hiding from something I cannot stop She knows its her end, she tries to run away but can as this is fate. Ethel is screaming but going nowhere since everything is going on at the same time for her. Death says she can run, but she cannot hide, because death is inevitable. He tosses her body into a freezer, eating her.

August Underground

This track is an instrumental so no lyrics to look at. Ethel wastes away in the attic of an abandoned shack in the woods of northern California. This song represents the decaying of her physical body, it sorta happening at the same time as the next song, Televangelism

Televangelism

For the first time in her life, Ethel finds peace. She ascends to heaven, free of everything that was tied to her

Sun bleached flies sitting in the windowsill
Waiting for the day they escape
They talk all about that money and how their babies are always changing while they're breathing in the poison of the paint

Sun Bleached Flies

She's in heaven, reflecting on her past. She compares sun bleached flies resting on a windowsill to a Christian Mother, waiting for a day she's finally able to escape. Talking about their children while the children are being exposed to toxic behaviors described as poisonous paint. At the end of the day, Ethel is always tied to god and that small towns church.

What I wouldn't give to be in Church this Sunday
Listening to the choir, so heartfelt, all singing
....
But I always knew that in the end no one was coming to save me
So I just prayed and I keep praying and praying and praying

Especially when you're in her position, as much as you try to run away and hide from God. He's always there, and whenever something bad happens hes always what you run towards. Because thats the only thing you were taught to do as a kid. This song to me is like Ethel letting go of everything, since everything is done. To me its like after everything, you're still the person you were in the past. Especially when religon is forced into you, its kinda all you know. When i was a kid i used to pray to god, quickly, 7 times (holy number), to calm my father down as he came up the stairs to beat me. I still remember, id lock my door to give myself some time to pray to god that maybe I wouldnt go numb this time. Choking on my words i kept praying, but I knew nothing would change, that it would happen anyways.

God loves you, but not enough to save you
So, baby girl, good luck taking care of yourself

Don't think about it too hard
Or you'll never sleep a wink at night again
Don't worry 'bout me and these green eyes
Mama, just know that I love you (I do)
And I'll see you when you get here

Strangers

This song to me is Ethel pleading to Isaiah, asking him, if she was good? That she only wanted him. theres nothing to say just enjoy the song. Am i making you feel sick refers to if he felt sick after eating a chunck out of her.

I tried to be good
Am I no good?
Am I no good?
Am I no good?
With my memory restricted to a Polaroid in evidence
I just wanted to be yours
Can I be yours?
Can I be yours?
Just tell me I'm yours
If I'm turning in your stomach and I'm making you feel sick
Am I making you feel sick?
Ah
Am I making you feel sick?
Am I making you feel
Am I making you feel sick?
Am I making you feel
Am I making you feel sick?
Am I making you feel sick?
Am I making you feel sick?
Am I making you feel sick?

future albums will be added!

About Hayden Silas Anhedönia, also know as Ethel Cain, she was born on March 24, 1998 in Tallahasee but raised in Perry, Florida. Oldest of 4 in a Southern baptist family. Her father was a deacon, and she was in the church choir like her mom. At 8, she started playing the piano, church basically influences everything when you grow up in these kinda communities. She was homeschooled and left church at 16. She came out as gay at 12, and at 20 came out as trans.

"Whether I like it or not, God always has and always will be a huge part of my life. Whether he's being used as a comforting figure or a threat, I've always been surrounded by it. It's not really something you can walk away from. And I'd rather just sit with it than be like 'Fuck the church!'"

Thats kinda all, I really like her voice, its like soft and ugh idk its like a soft warm floral scent to me... like not warm like a mothers hug but warm like sitting far away from the fire. idk. I like to watch her videos on youtube, its nice listening to somebody talk

Now i can be annoying and talk about why i like the songs i like LMAO; Also i kinda cant explain good. And I dont wanna write paragraph explaining myself so this section might be the worst out of all of them.. i'm gonna assign each song i like with a poorly described perfume i make up

Waco, Texas

Wet wood but like warm wet wood, it reminds me of a candle i bought in this weird schop i found. I guess sandal wood and palo santo too, but like its not a strong perfume, wet wood is stronger than both of the last notes, uhm maybe like something warm, but not really warm. Like lukewarm idk. Waco texas is very like the closer you get to your lover the more it hurts. Thats how it feels like to me.

My honey's heart is blue and a second offbeat
Always tugging at me like he's running out of daylight
Yeah, my baby acts cool but they all know something ain't right, ain't right
Only acting this cool when he's walking with me
1998 forever and a day
I keep the pictures hanging where the world can see 'em
I hope I die today
Save me from another late night of red eyes
But then the morning comes
You were there looking for me but I
I was gone, turned my back for a moment and
You had fallen apart
They've been promising the lights as we beg for our lives
Selling pages of the times we've been waiting on
Now the weight's too much and I can't hold you anymore
How much of a cruel year can you call my fault?
Not even the memories are immortal
Terrified on this side of a conversation
A conversation we'll never come back from
I'll never live it down if I never get around it
'Cause goddammit, I did it to myself in hindsight
I liked him 'cause his rule was, "Do whatever you like, " and I tried, alright
Now I'll wear these scars for life
I loved you when it hurt inside to
But in the low light
You know I'd do anything for you
You know I'd do anything for you
You know it's true, 'cause I've said it to you
Held in my arms, I swore I'd be good to you, be good to you
Then sat and watched as you walked away from me (ah, me, me)
Yeah, you've changed
But did I ever know you?
Or did I hold you
Facing away from me
The air in your room never moves
Live and die by TV no one's watching
Do you hate me?
When this is over
Maybe then we'll get some sleep
I've been picking names for our children
You've been wondering how you're gonna feed them
Love is not enough in this world
But I still believe in Nebraska dreaming
'Cause I'd rather die
Than be anything but your girl
I never meant to hurt you
But somehow, I knew I would
Will it be like this forever?
I'd reach into your body
And fix you if I could
Will I feel like this forever? (Forever, forever, forever?)
Are you angry?
Do you hate me?
And darling, time may forgive me
But I won't
You know I'd do anything for you
You know it's true, 'cause I've said it to you
Held in my arms, I swore I'd be good to you
Then sat and watched
As you walked away from me (from me)
So I bled 'til I cried, 'til I felt I might die
To be known the way you should
Is to put yourself through hell
Still I waited and tried, 'til it killed me
'Cause you're right
I can wait if I want
But it'll never be good enough like I
Want to believe it is, is, is

Dust Bowl

This song is not warm to me at all like wet cold wood, like cold wet wood. In that order specifically. Like inscense note, barely there and maybe like old people house like a dusty scent. and like bedsheets. Idk this song reminds me of like waking up after a breakup. longing, not yearning, longing. a very fall scent, like wet leaves or something of that sort....patchouli? yeah something like that? oh and like grass but not like green grass like a muddy grass. Dirt too, i guess like cold frozen soil too. This isnt a warm song to me this is a very like a scent for somebody thats been in a depressive episode in the deep south. OH church scent too idk anyways

Pretty boy
Natural blood-stained blond
With the holes in his sneakers
And his eyes all over me
Drive-in slasher flick again
Feeling me up as a porn star dies
He's watching me instead
Eighth grade death pact strike me dead
All of Alabama
Laid out in front of your eyes
But all you could see was me
You walked in, you were singing
You tried to wade in 'cause you wanted
Just to tell me who you were
You were kind
Dyin' to tell me
You'll wait if I have to make sure
Pretty boy
Scared of the rain, by God
Tend to the row of your violets
With your eyes all over me
Watching, hoping
The wind blows slowly
So I can keep you a moment
Grew up hard, fell off harder
Cooking our brains, smoking that shit
Your daddy smoked in Vietnam
You'd be a writer
If he didn't leave all his hell for you
Saying if you could, you'd leave it all
I knew it was love
When I rode home crying
Thinking of you fucking other girls
But when you
Said that you're in love
I never wondered if you're sure
Pretty boy
Consumed by death
With the holes in his sneakers
And his eyes all over me
Over me, over me
Over me, over me
Over me, over me
Over me, over
Over

Tempest

blood, metal but not copper like aluminum, gun powder, burnt sage, its like this chinese candle i bought, La Fadeur temple. A like inscense dark dirt smell. If you know.. yeah the blood note is the top note and it dries down to this like temple/inscense metalic smell. Maybe some nuts too but no, no nuts. This song is litterally just betrayal in a song

Can you hear them?
The trains
Pick your flowers
You're too late
I'll hurt myself if I want
I don't care
Do you swing from your neck
With the hope someone cares?
Please, just go easy on me
I am young and naive
I don't know what I need
"I can lead you to bed
But I can't make you sleep"
I've heard it before
From someone who leaves
I still dream of violence
Angry at the waiting game
Chain link on your lungs
And sulfuric acid in my brain
Don't ask me why I hate myself
As I'm circling the drain
'Cause death, it takes too long
And I can't wait
Waiting on my own
Waiting on my own
Waiting on my own
Waiting on my own
Always on my own
Always on my own
Always on my own
Always on my own
Always on my own
Always on my own (you came around here just to watch me writhe)
Always on my own (am I what you think about all late at night?)
Always on my own
Someone take me home (you can try and stop me, hold me)
I wanna go home (do all the things that you do)
Take me out the dark (but it's no good)
I'm gonna regret this
Forever
Forever
Forever
Forever

Nettles

I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH!! when i went to the mountains in china i listened to this on repeat for hours. Amazing.. anyways this is like so so soosososoosos a floral perfume. Obviously gardenias (ethel cains moms favourite flowers are gardenias so), a very warm scent, waking up with your partner underneath the sun. warm sheets, white florals, apple, but not a strong apple, pear? sandalwood maybe, no i think this would just be a clean floral scent. But not clean, clean in the way that this is when i finally reach happiness typa clean. Because like this song is ethel basically imagining her wedding and hoping that all the pain her and willoughby go through will be worth it at the end, end as in when they get married. So i guess a church scent too but not old, relatively new church scent. And like if cream white had a scent it would be in it too. grass, rain, and like patchouli too. I need something in here to represent the sadness in this song. I guess bible pages, or like a new book scent. No, new bible scent. Leather? idk its been a long time since I've smelt leather.

We were in a race to grow up
Yesterday through today 'til tomorrow
But when the plant blew up
A piece of shrapnel flew and slowed that part of you
The doctors gave you until the end of the night
But not 'til daylight (not 'til daylight)
Not 'til daylight (not 'til daylight)
Time passes slower in the flicker of the hospital light
I pray the race is worth the fight
Made a fool of myself down on Tennessee Street
It wasn't pretty like the movies
It was ugly, like what they all did to me
And they did to me what I wouldn't do to anyone
You know that's for sure
Tell me all the time not to worry (worry)
And think of all the time I'll, I'll have with you
When I won't wake up on my own (wake up on my own), wake up on my own
Held close all the time, knowin' I'm half of you
Mm, mm
Mm, mm
Mm, mm, mm
Mm, mm
Mm
Lay me down where the trees bend low
Put me down where the greenery stings
I can hear them singin' (singin')
"To love me is to suffer me, " and I believe that
When I lay with you in that auld lang room
Wishin' I was the way you say that you are
You'll go fight a war, I'll go missin'
I've warned you, for me, it's not that hard
That picture on the wall you're scared of looks just like you (you)
I wanna bleed, I wanna hurt the way that boys do (oh)
And maybe you're right and we should stop watchin' the news
'Cause, baby, I've never seen brown eyes look so blue
Tell me all the time (tell me all the time) not to worry (not to worry)
And think of all the time I'll, I'll have with you
When I won't wake up on my own (wake up on my own), wake up on my own
Held close all the time, knowin' I'm half of you
Think of us inside (think of us inside) after the weddin' (after the weddin')
Sufferin' the while to lie a time or two
When we won't wake up on our own (wake up on our own)
Wake up on our own (wake up on our own)
Held close all the time, knowin' (knowin')
This was all for you
Think of us inside
Gardenias on the tile
Where it makes no difference who held back from who
To love me is to suffer me

Fuck Me Eyes

fuck me eyes littearlly is the song that got me through the summer like omg i wouldve died without it. Like light vanilla, lipstick, track field smell. Idk how to explain the last part and like everything showers i cant put it into scent notes. This song is like preparing yourself for your first date, and like american coming of age romcoms. Maybe like a cheap gin note too. And like the scent of cheap bath and body works. New leather boots that need to be broken into, and like going to the thrift to find cool shoes.

She really gets around town in her old Cadillac
In her mom's jeans that she cut to really show off her ass
She's got her makeup done, and her high heels on
She's got her hair up to God, she's gonna get what she wants
Her nails are heartbreak red 'cause she's a bad motherfucker
And all the boys wanna love her when she bats her "fuck me" eyes
She goes to church (she goes to church) straight from the clubs
They say she looks just like her mama before the drugs
She just laughs and says, "I know, " (I know), "She really taught me well
She's no good at raisin' children, but she's good at raisin' hell"
Her daddy keeps her in a box, but it's no good
The boys can't get enough of her, and her "honey, fuck me" eyes
Nowhere to go, she's just along for the ride (she's just along)
She's scared of nothin' but the passenger's side
Of some old man's truck in the dark parkin' lot (parkin' lot)
She's just tryna feel good right now
They wanna take her out
But no one ever wants to take her home
Three years undefeated as Miss Holiday Inn
Posted outside the liquor store 'cause she's too young to get in
They ask her why she talks so loud (talks so loud)
"What ya do with all that mouth?" (All that mouth)
Boy, if you're not scared of Jesus, fuck around and come find out
She's got the radio on, blastin' with her big white smile (big white smile)
Pretty baby with the miles, and when she leaves
They never see her wipin' her "fuck me" eyes (oh, oh-oh, oh-oh)
Nowhere to go, she's just along for the ride (she's just along)
She's scared of nothin' but the passenger's side
Of some old man's truck in the dark parkin' lot (parkin' lot)
She's just tryna feel good right now
They wanna take her out
But no one ever wants to take her home
Home
But no one ever wants to
Take her home
Oh, no one ever wants to
Take her home (take her home)
Take her home (take her home)
I'll never blame her, I kinda hate her
I'll never be that kinda angel
I'll never be kind enough to me
I'll never blame her for tryna make it
But I'll never be the kinda angel
He would see
Nowhere to go, she's just along for the ride
She's scared of nothin' but the passenger's side
Of some old man's truck in the dark parkin' lot (dark parkin' lot, dark parkin' lot)
She's just tryna feel good right now (good right now)
Now, oh-oh
She really gets around town
She really gets around town
She really gets around town

American Teenager

God this song is litterally me, okay so whiskey, strawberry jam, wood...scent.. grass, like the same as fuck me eyes but instead of summer its like an august scent.

Grew up under yellow light on the street
Putting too much faith in the make-believe
Another high-school football team
Ah, ah-ah-ah
The neighbor's brother came home in a box
But he wanted to go, so maybe it was his fault
Another red heart taken by the American dream
And I feel you there
In the middle of the night
When the lights go out
And I'm all alone again
Say what you want, but say it like you mean it
With your fists for once, a long cold war
With your kids at the front
Just give it one more day then you're done
I do what I want, crying in the bleachers
And I said it was fun
I don't need anything from anyone
It's just not my year, but I'm all good out here
Sunday morning
Hands over my knees in a room full of faces
I'm sorry if I seemed off, but I was probably wasted (wasted)
And didn't feel so good (didn't feel so good)
A life full of whiskey but I always deliver
Jesus, if You're listening, let me handle my liquor
And Jesus, if You're there
Why do I feel alone in this room with You?
And I feel you there
In the middle of the night
When the lights go out
But I'm still standing here
Say what you want, but say it like you mean it
With your fists for once, a long cold war
With your kids at the front
Just give it one more day then you're done, done
I do what I want, crying in the bleachers
And I said it was fun
I don't need anything from anyone
It's just not my year, but I'm all good out here
Say what you want, but say it like you mean it
With your fists for once, a long cold war
With your kids at the front
Just give it one more day then you're done
I do it for my daddy and I do it for Dale
I'm doing what I want and, damn, I'm doing it well
For me, for me
For me, for me, yeah

A House in Nebraska

Salt water, or like tears, old houses, old linen sheets, dusty wood, like OLD houses, dust, moss, grass, wood

Labored breaths and bed sores, sing it to me all day long
When the aching sound of silence used to be our favorite song
You and me against the world, you were my man and I your girl
We had nothing except each other, you were my whole world
Then the day came and you were up and gone
And I still call home that house in Nebraska
Where we found each other on a dirty mattress on the second floor
Where the world was empty, save you and I
Where you came and I laughed, and you left and I cried
Where you told me even if we died tonight, that I'd die yours
These dirt roads are empty, the ones we paved ourselves
Your mama calls me sometimes to see if I'm doing well
And I'd lie to her and say that I'm doing fine
When, really, I'd kill myself to hold you one more time
And it hurts to miss you, but it's worse to know
That I'm the reason you won't come home
But I still call home that house in Nebraska
Where we found each other on a dirty mattress on the second floor
(Where I needed you, and I need you still)
Where the world was empty, save you and I
Where you came and I laughed, and you left and I cried
Where you told me even if we died tonight, that I'd die yours
(So I died there under you every night, all night)
You know, I still wait at the edge of town
Praying straight to God that maybe you'll come back around
I cry every day and the bottles make it worse
'Cause you were the only one I was never scared to tell I hurt
And I found photographs of our school, on the day we met
I thought that you were so beautiful, it was love, I guess
And you might never come back home, and I may never sleep at night
But God, I just hope you're doing fine out there, I just pray that you're alright
And I feel so alone, and I feel so alone out here
I feel so alone, I feel so alone out here
And I feel so alone without you, I'm so alone out here
I feel so alone, I feel so alone
I'm so alone out here without you, baby

Hello!! This is where I horribly explain Ethel Cains art, and my experience with her. Im bad at naming things but her general vibe is like going to church with your parents late at night for bible study. I kinda can't express it in any other words for people that never went to church. I have very vivid memories of entering that old church building, hearing the cries of the sisters. Its really specific. Alot of her work in deeply rooted in religous trauma and southern things, im not southern though so I kinda can't say anything accurate about that.
Praying straight to God that maybe you'll come back around
I think this is where I talk about my experiences?? Okay so i discovered her through Ptolemaea (the song) I know thats kinda odd since like thats the most disturbing song out of all of them. Then i was like wow! Amazing voice so I listened to the whole album. Then up until like this year i realized shit theres really deep lore, so I just went insane and started obsessing over the story and her music. The thing that I love the most is her story writing and how she really shows the pain of losing faith in god, while tryna keep your own life stable. Her music really is just my life (minus the southern part).
Sunday morning Hands over my knees in a room full of faces I'm sorry if I seemed off, but I was probably wasted
this section is about my horrible relationship with god, has mentions of my trauma.
I grew up not in a small town but a very conservative asian christian community. Like so much so that music wasn't allowed unless it was classical or hymns. I grew up knowing how to pray before knowing how to add. Thats how religous I was. I dont even remember how i decided I didnt want to be christian anymore, i jsut remember it was around when i was 11-13?? I got baptized when i was 8 im pretty sure. The reason why i lost faith was that my father was physically abusive, and in the bible it would say that you shouldn't lay hands on another person.... and my father was a preacher. So how could somebody that reads the bible every single day get a simple thing wrong?? Also, i just dont like the fact that God has to put us through 'lessons' to try and test us or whatever. There shouldn't be a time where a kid is groomed or anything like that done that to them. And if god really is almighty he should've prevented that. "but oh god works in mysterious ways, he gave us free will" To be honest I hear that all the time, it just sounds like an excuse at this point. Yes god gave us free will, doesn't mean he should let that happen to little kids though. Whatever. Yeah my dad hit me, yes my mom is bipolar, schizoed out, told me she was gonna kill herself for God, litterally tried to crash her car when i told her i might not be christian anymore. All of those things dont really help with my faith already fading LMFAO. also all throughout my childhood my mother would say stuff like "when I die, if you're not good you wont see me in heaven anymore" or stuff like "if you die tommorow you will be sent to hell" i was 6 when I was told this btw. Alot of the people in my church used fear as a way to get us to read the bible. Stuff like if you do this you'll be sent to hell. We were all 5-6 when they would say this. Also for some reason explained in detail what would happen to us in hell, and what happened to the people in hell. yeah i dont think you should be describing litteral gore to children. Thats really all. I lost faith because of the people around me, and im not saying christianity is bad, there are a few true christians, but not enough. Id be christian now if my church wasn't filled with schizos, but now im just repulsed by the idea of that. Especially when our punishment as a kid was being locked up in the basement of the church, not pleasent. I just have a really bad relationship with the Bible and Churches in general. I still pray sometimes
God loves you, but not enough to save you So, baby girl, good luck taking care of yourself